


Blinded

by missing_in_action



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Multi, Psychological Drama, Psychological Torture, Psychological Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-29
Updated: 2017-05-09
Packaged: 2018-10-12 13:26:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10491876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missing_in_action/pseuds/missing_in_action
Summary: Finding each other during a therapy session isn't one of your typical romantic setting. They met when he was lost inside the clamor of his agonizing mind, while she tries to see the beauty of everything before her sense of sight finally disappears in the next 6 months.





	1. Chapter 1

_Tap tap tap tap tap_

_Tap tap tap tap tap_

He scanned the unfamiliar place. White ceiling, ember walls, stone-cold floors, eerily encompassing place occupied by seven people only, chairs rounded up into a small circle, and most importantly, the hesitant strangers around him. Perhaps the ceiling wasn’t completely white. Levi was a little bit bugged out of the fact that he can still see the disturbing lines on its surface, revealing its flaws. Maybe the walls weren’t at all embers, possibly dark violet or deep ochre. But then, the latter would be nice. It will definitely get along with the dramatic lights outside the room. And on a second note, the stone-cold floors weren’t at all stone-cold. His feet might be producing a lot of extra cold sweat due to severe anxiety with unknown people around him. Gross. He shouldn’t feel this way. They’re supposed to be harmless. No, the right words were: Will they be harmless? Not that he’s afraid or terrified when it comes to any uprising contravention among these people, but he’s not supposed to let his guard down. And he ought not to overthink as well.

_Tap tap tap tap tap_

He placed another dubious scanning around the whole place. It was indeed too broad for everyone. He wondered whether it could produce lots of annoying echo all throughout. And to answer his question, a voice distracted him and everyone else inside the room.

“Hello, everyone, I’m quite sure we’ll all get along in no time.” A bald man, probably in his sixties, started to speak. There was indeed an echo but it wasn’t as annoying as what Levi has expected. “I’m very glad to meet you all, such brave individuals who are willing to save themselves out of their misery and be the survivor of their own storms in life, that’s you lot.”

He cleared his throat as he proceeded, “I am Dot Pixis, I wouldn’t call myself as your therapist because I believe I can build a better relationship with you without any links to my profession. I can be your guide, your advisor, friend, uncle, parent—”

“—or grandpa?”

Everyone gave out a small chuckle at the sudden interruption. Levi took a quick look on his right, seeing a brown-haired woman in spectacles. She had long crooked nose that sits properly atop her big grin. Levi couldn’t get a glimpse of her eyes though he was sure she has gathered all the deep ochre that surrounds them, which most likely resemble her hair colour. Her exaggerated version of spectacles didn’t sit just right for Levi. She almost looked like a triathlon participant plus her dishevelled hair which gave him an amusing notion that she had been sleeping with a swimming headgear on.

“Oh yeah, I was about to say that, Zoe.”  Pixis replied, his wrinkles becoming more evident as he was accompanied by his soft laughter.  “Now, now, before we proceed on introductions, why don’t we bring ourselves closer towards each other? Let’s make a smaller circle.”

Levi was a bit mistaken about the others’ hesitance. As soon as Pixis took all attention upon himself, and Zoe, everyone seemed to be going well with the flow of little talks and small smiles imparted all throughout.

The noise of the moving chairs weren’t much of a hassle though Levi wished some of them could have carried their chairs a little quieter. He sighed inwardly and positioned himself comfortably with Zoe on his right and a man in blonde hair and moustache on his left. Levi guessed this man might have been a giant, just by looking at his sitting height.

“Shall we all greet our seatmates, then?” Pixis said.

Everyone complied, and Levi wasn’t so sure on which of the two people beside him he’s supposed to greet first. He sighed. As much as he wanted to help himself, he still couldn’t get rid of the mere charm of scaring people away. Is it because of his face? His action? No, they must have seen through his weirdness.

  _Tap tap tap tap tap_

_Tap tap tap tap tap_

He may not look like it but Levi most definitely prefers to avoid silence at all cost. He knows how capable it is upon doing its work. He’s being preyed by madness, and silence isn’t a great way to escape.

_Tap tap tap tap tap_

“Hi, I’m Hange Zoe. But you can call me Hange.”

He _almost_ jumped in surprise. Almost. He was well aware of how rare he ever shows emotion, though he was rather surprised by her sudden interjection. In a spur of a moment, he met her brown gaze, leaving him too stunned to compare her eyes with the deep ochre he was suddenly so obsessed with. 

Levi gathered all his composure, feeling a bit pissed off of himself upon letting his thoughts drown him in a situation like this. She must have thought he’s mute. And that wouldn’t be too bad at all. If she’s sensitive enough, she might come to a decision to not be so loud around him. She would reconsider about not getting a reply at all. It’s not like he doesn’t want to speak to her. It’s just that he wanted to observe further, what’s going on with foreign people around him inside a foreign place. But much to his disappointment, he can’t be like this forever. He must speak out his mind and at the same time, control much of his foul sense of humour that he’s sure no one can ever relate to.

“Levi,” he said, examining the thick rubber straps which gave support to her heavy lenses. “Just Levi.”

He didn’t necessarily have to add the last words but the confusion on her face and the expectation of something seem to surface. Then it struck on him. Her deep ochre looked rather… expressive?

“Glad to have you here, Levi. Is this your first therapy?”

“Yes.” He replied shortly.

“Oh, then let me be your guide. No one’s going to bite you down here, I suppose.” She chuckled, the lenses of her spectacles gave out a few glint, “It’s my second group therapy, not here, though, but I’m sure it’s going to be really fun!”

Levi wanted to acknowledge what she just said but struggled on his words. As if on cue, she motioned on the person next to him.

“Have you greeted Mike? He’s a really nice person. Met him before the session and I swear he looked like he has known me for years just by sniffing.”

She must have smelled just by looking on how untidy she was, plus the unfashionable colour tastes she have chosen to wear. But on second thought, their proximity couldn’t even tell her scent. She smiled, hanging her head sideways to greet the said Mike. The air must have gotten through (though he was quite sure the windows were shut), because as what he has been thinking all along, a slight gush of air went to his face as her hair blew a bit onwards. Levi thought he just smelled detergent, much like his favourite toilet cleaner.

Ah- his toilet cleaner. Once he got home, he will definitely grab his materials and spend his time to relax.

Levi turned to see the person Hange was referring to. He was alarmed upon seeing the other guy sniffing him like some darned bastard he was. Mike froze for a moment, pondering. Then he nodded on his own as if confirming Levi’s harmless intention.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” he sent down a death glare, but what he only received was a small silent smile from him. Levi tapped some invisible dust on his shirt which he’s afraid was dangerously contaminated.

“Nice to meet you too, Levi.” Mike muttered, further enraging the black-haired guy.

There was a small pause until Pixis once again gathered all the attention. He instructed everyone to write something positive about themselves on the paper that was being passed around. As everyone was busy, seriously jotting down wonderful things about themselves, Levi was having a hard time to write what he was good at. He can’t even be honest with himself about things he thought he excelled in.

_Tap tap tap tap tap_

_Tap tap tap tap tap_

_Tap tap tap tap tap_

Levi figured if he kept on with that noise, he most likely be sent outside the room and they will immediately remove him in the session. Who wants to deal with a guy like him, anyway? Even controlling himself is out of his league.  

_Tap tap tap tap tap_

He just has to keep on with it. If not, who knows if he’s able to stand an hour or two in this crappy session he has decided to indulge himself in.

A couple of minutes have passed before Pixis asked them to roll their papers and drop it down a small box that was once again, being passed around. Levi watched in horror, predicting what will happen next. Everyone will randomly pick a paper and start a group sharing of some sort. That’s the way it is, isn’t it?

“Mind if you guys read your chosen note out loud and share your thoughts to everyone? And lastly, kindly guess who that paper belonged to.” Pixis laughed, looking all amused upon himself. Does he really think it could be fun?

 “Uh- hello,”

A girl in brown hair and brown eyes, features almost similar to Hange started to speak. She was young, thin, and looked almost child-like for grasping a bag of potato chips (But Levi was quite sure he heard the house rule earlier, about the prohibition of food during the session) on her hand. She nervously eyed everyone but proceeded, nonetheless.

“Uh, Shall I introduce myself, sir?” she asked the therapist. From the looks of it, she didn’t actually listen to the instructions. “What am I supposed to do?” she whispered to a guy in brown hair and green eyes, and upon hearing him out, she started to speak yet again.

“I got… ‘Slicing up flesh is my specialty.’” She read out loud. “She must be a chef and I want to be friends with her so I can get more food.”

Levi smirked at her statement as everyone laughed their heart out. The girl kept him wondering, why on earth is she even here? Since her reason wasn’t too obvious, she just looked like a normal girl with an uncontrollable appetite. Well, who knows she might have been starved at home.

“and… muffler?” she said, confused. “That’s you, then.”

She pointed at the girl right next to the jade-eyed boy she got help from earlier. The other girl indeed wore a muffler, red in colour. She has short ebony hair that almost resembled the depths of her eyes.

The sharing went on. Sasha wasn't at all mistaken as the other girl named Mikasa confirmed her guess. It seems to Levi that judging how Sasha looked and acted wasn’t a good idea. The girl has a surprising amount of common sense than he could tell.

Mikasa read what was written on the paper. Levi immediately recognized his own with a speck of hint here and there for him to discern. And as much as Levi couldn’t get rid of the fact that he’s struggling with a bunch of strangers yet again, his thoughts seemed to pull him backwards. The same old thought for almost the entire years of his life. However, in countless circumstance he’s in, he always manages to pull back. And he believes this is no different than the other times.

“There’s nothing here.”

A small smirk escaped his lips and no sooner than anybody else in the room could see, his lips immediately retreated from amusement.

“Hey, how could you do that?” Levi felt Hange’s elbow poking at him. His steel grey pupil moved towards her direction, trying to warn her about keeping her voice low which was already reasonably low to a whisper. But much to his frustration, Mikasa didn’t miss how Four Eyes reacted.

And before he even realized it, the tapping sound inside his head finally vanished the second time Hange’s deep ochre met his eyes. He never knew his new found obsession with deep ochre could make the annoying sound leave him be. He wasn’t really sure if the tapping sound is caused by his fingers in reality or was it just the intrusive thought that encourages the anxiety to make its way towards him.

Levi was brought to reality upon hearing Pixis speak. He kept talking about acceptance and that everyone has positive traits may it be physically or in the inside. With that said, Levi wasn’t quite sure where he’d put himself if ever he’s got one. Aside from cleaning, he wasn’t really certain about having extra special ability on his own. He’s trying to be human after all, and doing such simple task costs too much for him. Humans, huh? the most deceiving form of monsters that ever walked on earth that possesses hands that are made to steal, arms to push away others, heart for their own selves, mind for deceit, a pair of eyes that stare down onto one’s soul like they owned their final judgment. He’s no different at all. And sharing the same race with them wasn’t much of a reason to agree with Pixis.

It was Levi’s turn to read the paper he got and share it with the whole group. It consists of anger and eliminating all the bad guys in the world. He was amused of the fact that he can easily tell (and probably everyone) who that person is just by the vibe and the look he’s giving. The guy was called Eren.

He found it quite interesting to know that such person as the brat he just pointed out exists. He must have had a rough past to make him loathe bad people all round the world, carrying all their transgressions and trying to eliminate them. Given the fact that Levi himself was a known thug in the earlier point of his life, he found the boy quite riveting.

“Not bad. Gonna pursue criminology, no?” Levi said.

As much as Levi wanted to tone down any form of conversation, he figured resisting the urge to talk wouldn’t be much of a help if he wants this therapy to be effective. It was a really huge step for him to be able to talk to a stranger in front of many strangers in a room he’s not quite familiar with.

Eren’s glare died down, trying to think for a response, “Yes, I guess.”

“But you look like someone who‘d smack everyone here in this room. No murderous intent?”

Eren really did catch Levi’s interest. When he was his age, everything he’s done was a total mess. Everything seemed to stem from his situation as an orphan, having only a drunkard and a criminal of an uncle. What could anyone expect of a child with that kind of parenting from his mother’s brother? Or was it even called ‘parenting’ at the very least? But then, it’s not like he’s got any other choice. What could a skinny and malnourished brat do to support himself without being influenced by criminals his age who roam the streets at night for their prey? Perhaps his ability to put people under constraints by using strength and agility was a gift. And he wouldn’t dare consider such thing as a positive trait.

“Not at all, sir.” The younger one replied bitterly as he added the honorific.

Silence reigned for a little while until Pixis encouraged the boy to tell who he got. He seemed hesitant at first, clueless of what he’d do next. His shoulders slightly shook as he put some effort in resisting his uncontrollable palpitation.

“Eren,” the girl called Mikasa put her hand on top of Eren’s shaking ones. Her gesture seemed to help him a bit, letting him gather all his composure for a little while.

“Eren, Levi meant it as a joke.”

Levi glanced to see Hange talking to Eren opposite her direction. She plastered a small smile and it felt like she’s trying to convey her genuine compassion towards him, by which she totally looked like she really does possess such feeling.

“Come on, you have to revise your sentence so that it wouldn’t hurt Eren.”

Levi raised his brow upon feeling Hange nudge him on his side. He slightly shook his head and stared at her, mentally sending death glares.

“You totally looked like you’re about to shit yourself so I’m just stating the obvious.” Levi told Eren in a not so convincing way.

“Exactly, so you have to relax for a bit.” Hange said, sounding like she’s taken the side of Levi contrary to the current situation by which Eren probably thought he was the bullied victim or something.

She turned to him for a question he never knew existed. She whispered, making suspicion arise among all the people around them but nonetheless turned to the real situation at hand.  She didn’t look all too nervous to reveal what she was about to say in front of many people but for the person she’s trying to comfort, it would definitely hurt upon knowing a little bit of lie she will have to imply.

She whispered, “What eye-colour does he possess?”

“What?”

“I don’t really trust the colour correction of my lenses and would you be a nice person to answer my question?”

Levi frowned in confusion as he stared right at her deep ochre. It must have been a dying metaphor to measure the beauty of the pair of eyes that cannot be used on its right purpose.  And to top it all off, her eyes must have been too damaged to pair up greens and yellows in a derelict outfit.

“Look, Eren. You have such beautiful green eyes that are really expressive. Levi suggests you should keep your brows from uniting as one.”

Hange was able to create such sentence, thanks to Levi’s cooperation on Eren’s eye-colour, though not on the last sentence she just said. From the looks of it, Eren didn’t seem to believe Hange’s words. In fact, he looked more irritated with the slight chuckles of people around him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He doesn't really know how to plot his escape away from his mind that seemed to eat him alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is getting really dark, I'm warning you. 
> 
>  
> 
> I write for entertainment purposes only :) SNK belongs to Isayama (If I did, my babies could have lived a happier life. lol)

There was a short pause until Eren and Mikasa disappeared to the only door on the far corner of the unfurnished room. The former looked angry but the trembling of his body wasn’t that of hatred alone. He was like resisting a tidal wave of unwanted emotions and he couldn’t do anything other than be drowned by the strong current, still choosing not to give up until he can find someone or something to hold on to. Mikasa, on the other hand, looked extremely worried that her eyes are starting to moisten and the comforting gesture of tapping Eren’s shoulder seemed more of a help to her than to the one she was comforting.

Hange concluded she wasn’t much of a help in the situation that Levi started. She’s grateful if her words imply no meaning towards Eren rather than further aggravating his condition. However, the latter seemed logical if you look at any different angles of the story. She’s aware of how clumsy and rough her actions might be but there are very few circumstances that make her feel extremely bad about herself. This is one of it. Stirring up somebody’s emotions just didn’t sit well for her. Damn, why does everything she does feel so wrong? She know nothing of Eren’s struggles yet she took it all upon herself by sprouting nonsense, with no harmful intention but lessen the rising tension between Eren and Levi.

She feels so meaningless. Everything she says and does is a big joke, each move results an unbelievable sight of jeopardy and there’s no taking it back. There’s like a terrible rule of being unable to take back what you said, or undo what you’ve done. It’s definitely not her fault. It’s not.

It wasn’t her fault she couldn’t stop her best friend in committing suicide nor she lost both of her parents at the very same day last two months. Heck, it wasn’t even her fault she inherited her mom’s genes for having such erroneous eyesight that will eventually lead to permanent blindness in the next six months. Because of it, she lost her job and couldn’t earn much for a living and now she’s extremely startled at the thought of being kicked out from her own house soon because of unpaid debts. All of those happened so fast in a span of two weeks. No human being would be sane enough not to break out and wail how unfair life really is. It has been toying with her, taking away all the important stuffs and making her decay in loneliness in just a very short amount of time. It didn’t even allow her to brace herself for the huge impact.

The feeling of being so alone, so hopeless and empty just wouldn’t leave her be, even with her slightest approach on people she tries to get all the meaning in her life. She wanted to make a little bit of difference with the strangers she meets. To feel that little glint of joy with helping people, may it be a kid who lost his mother at a supermarket or a very frail elder who barely crosses the street with her slow pace. It doesn’t really matter. Defending a teenager who have been bullied in the streets because of their sexuality or being too soft for everyone’s liking, or beating up a drunkard who tries to sexualize a minor, not even a rude costumer who tries putting to shame a cashier in a coffee shop have escaped Hange’s little adventure on her reaching out to people. 

Well in fact, she just wanted to help. Some are so willing to become her friend, some aren’t. Some of her actions cost her another human being to like and dislike and there’s really no in between. She wasn’t able to come in terms of helping everyone, not even the assaulters who might also be facing a lot of hardships in their lives. But still, she wants to help them. The bullies could have been victims of abuse in their homes, the drunkard could have been so problematic with his wife and kids that alcohol may have been his last resort and he doesn’t even know what he’s doing, the mean costumer could have been struggling to decide whether or not to plug off all the life supports of her comatose husband.

Nobody knows, nobody really understands what each other are going through. The sad part is that nobody even tries, and Hange attempts to find the answer whether or not knowing or understanding others are painfully necessary to become human.

The short sound of a text message awoke her from her thoughts. Still, nobody said a word after Eren and Mikasa walked out of the room. Pixis looked like carefully choosing his words and the sound of her phone also alerted him, earning her a look from the old bald man.

“Let’s take a break for ten minutes.” Pixis stood up from his chair, looked at them with a reassuring smile and slowly walked to the door.

Hange owe Pixis, a family friend, the last drops of her sanity. He was the one who offered her free treatment and she couldn’t be thankful enough for what he has done. It helped her enough. Being an extrovert, the slightest human interaction could help her the least ways possible. She tends to rely on people in order for her to hang on that little thread of hope she has. She have been part of a different therapy session last month but decided to drop it off. She wasn’t anymore sure of her own reason. All she knows is that she needs to let loose all the bottled feelings inside of her for a certain amount of time. After all the tragedy she has come to face, she felt so hollow and numb. She kept denying all those for a whole solid month. 

The reality just sank in one fine day. It was supposed to be normal. The people that left a huge chunk of missing piece started to make themselves known that they are gone for good. She felt like her soul instantly left her body the moment the first tears started to fall. She was so furious that the urge of smashing everything in sight was so powerful she couldn’t stop.

Hange finds herself staring at Levi who has his brows almost merging. She couldn’t feel but wonder if he’s capable of other expressions aside from his scowl and frown. Well, the look he’s giving now might be a hint of being a little sorry for what he said. After all, he doesn’t really have to comment about Eren’s facial expression. It was not that important no matter how disturbing he looked.

“I-I think I’m partly responsible of all this.” Hange said, studying the pleasant curve of his nose despite the unpleasant vibe he’s emitting. “We owe him an apology.”

Hange looked at his fingers who kept on tapping his knees rhythmically. She was sure she said it loud and clear yet he hadn’t move a muscle in response to what she said. His fingers just kept on dancing with silent regular beats. He must be so anxious with his words that might lead him into another mistake.

She looked at Sasha and Mike in despair. They were feeling so uncomfortable that each of them gradually excused themselves to leave the room. Mike, however, left a small tap on Levi’s shoulder before he left, leaving the both of them alone. Levi seems to be so drowned with his thoughts while Hange was nervously looking at him, bracing herself to the surprise that he may lash out at her eventually. Staring at his eyes and to his fingers, still nothing happened. And she wasn’t so sure if it’s safe to be relieved or not.

“Hey, let’s help each other out, okay? Eren must be going through a lot of things that’s why he wasn’t so cool with your remark.” She said, trying her best to sound convincing as possible. “I believe he doesn’t hate you for what you’ve said. It’s just… something’s bothering him and your words served as a trigger to the contents of his feelings. It wasn’t wrong to be so honest and be disturbed of his scowl. If it wasn’t you, I guess it’s me who’s going to lighten him up… a bit.”

Levi shot her a glare, his fingers stopped for a while during that instance. He looked really intimidating with his eyes and the dark aura he’s giving off wasn’t helping either.

“You call that lightening up, Shitty Four-eyes?”

She almost grinned, just happy to hear his response despite the hint of discomfort by her mere presence alone. Nonetheless, it wasn’t much of a reason for her to leave and let everything solve itself, especially not Levi. He didn’t look like the social type. He can be so damn awkward with whatever he does but still maintain that cool demeanour Hange was starting to get used to.

“When I’m sad, I take solitary time to listen to myself. But interacting with people can sometimes be so uplifting no matter how shitty they can get.”

Hange slumped back on her own seat as she talked. It’s true, though. She had been called names before much worse than Levi’s but she decided not to get it in her system. It wasn’t much of a big deal if it’s true and there’s no way will she ever change just for anybody’s liking. However, Levi being cranky and calling her names looked really soothing for her eyes. If he were a child, he’d be covered by red marks due to her pinches. She’d even stretch the corners of his eyes to ease that scowl on his face that makes him thirty years older. She’d put her hands on his fingers that kept on tapping on his knees nonstop and—

“What the fuck are you doing?”

Hange jolted in surprise, realizing her hands held his other hand captive. His fingers didn’t really disturb her. Her thoughts kept her astray and made her do what she _normally_ does; being curious as fuck and trying out any approach to asses how things work and determine the variables of its possible limits.

She sat rather formally on her seat, nervous of how lost she was in her thoughts. How worse could this day possibly get? Now, the small percentage of Levi agreeing with her to ask Eren for apology has slowly died out in front of her eyes.

Hange was about to give him an answer about how researchers work. She did not intend to make him feel uncomfortable due to her barren boundaries between what she thinks and what she does. Before she could utter a word, her phone rang on her hand, giving out an awful vibration on her sweaty hands. Happy about the sudden interruption, she left Levi alone in the room and picked Moblit’s call.

“How on earth do you expect me to find one of a few yellow buildings six blocks away from my place? You know how fucked up I am with colours and directions.”

She barked on the other line. She wasn’t really contented on Moblit’s really vague information but still, really thankful on his gathered data and immediately passing it to her. The matter wasn’t really relevant to his life but the poor guy still accepts all Hange’s complaints despite the fact that he has worked enough.

“I’ll send you a photo and if you think it’s close enough, then assume that’s it.” The man said on the other line. He sounded like he’s doing other things apart from talking to Hange on the phone. He’s like rushing everything up to meet the approaching deadline and Hange’s surprised he hadn’t complained yet.

“What time is it again?”

“Two in the morning. Nice choice of place and time but unfortunately for _him_ , a loaded dump truck was parked in the dark alleyway, cushioning the impact. Let’s give credit to the truck drivers who were smoking weeds like their lives depended on it around that time.” He shuffled, “The fall wasn’t flawless, I suppose.  He was covered by all kinds of junk when he’s rushed to the hospital, I could barely imagine it.”

Hange could hear Moblit’s small chuckle but he stiffened all of a sudden. He must have realized immediately that it’s really not something to laugh at since the case really means so much for her.

She sighed in annoyance and relief. Hange couldn’t imagine a life without Moblit. He has always been there for her ever since the beginning of her messed-up life, and even way before that. He’s like her sidekick in whatever she does in her work, making sure everything is flawless and safe because with Hange, nothing really goes according to plan. The results have to stimulate her no matter how awful or awesome it is. Either way, danger comes in her way and sometimes, she’s not quite aware of it so Moblit always come to her aid to save her ass every time. Furthermore, he wasn’t just there as a co-worker. Once, he skipped a day absent at work just so he could tend to her because hell, aside from keeping herself bedridden, she’s not even eating jack shit. All the ignored calls and text messages worried him too much and he couldn’t do anything but barge in to her wrecked bedroom, much to his fear and surprise.

She doesn’t really know how he immediately got a hold of such confidential information, she was so thankful of the hastening man on the other side of the line.

“Erwin was a logical man. I’d never believe he’s done all that.” Hange said in a very low voice. She wasn’t really sure if Moblit heard what she just said. Her head hung low in misery.

“Well, the real self comes out when you’re all by yourself. Aside from beating up a whole gang singlehandedly once when you were drunk, I never knew you could blow up your house out of fury and still act like your usual self the next day.” 

Her house, huh? Too bad it’s hers no longer. Speaking about houses, she’s in desperate need to find a new home soon just before she’ll be violently kicked out. Shaking her head, she turned in surprise to see Levi standing on the doorway. His intense gaze was pinned on her as if accusing her of some shit she never remembered doing.

“Oh, hey!” she greeted him with a big grin, phone still attached on her ear.

Hange heard him say “tsk” as he walked past her. Moblit on the line hurried on whatever the hell he was doing and finally bid his goodbye. As soon as Hange placed her phone inside her pocket, she took Levi by his arm to stop him from walking.

She regretted what she did but there’s no going back now. He flinched in surprise as he glared at her and she immediately understood that he certainly don’t want to be touched.  She loosened her grip, trying her hardest not to lose the contact of their eyes. He almost looked like ready to devour her. But Hange wasn’t afraid, if anything, she was embarrassed. And Hange Zoe never gets embarrassed just by taking a short and grumpy guy on his toned and muscular arm.

“What do you want?” He shook his arm, harshly freeing his arm from her touch.

Hange blinked, adjusting her goggles out of habit as she spoke,

“I told you,” She pursed her lips “Apology?”

“Don’t tell me what to do.” He walked away in silence.

Hange looked at his shaven hair on the lower back of his head and she was about to comment on how neat it was. His retreating figure startled her. She has to do something for Eren because in all honesty, she doesn’t want to hurt the boy.

“Alright, I won’t tell you.” Hange walked in a faster pace to catch up with him. There was a comfortable gap between them as they walked in silence. Before, she was bracing herself for the possibility of the man lashing out on her in rage but now, she can feel his need of solace and she didn’t even know where that feeling come from. “But I’m coming with you.”

“No.” he said firmly, increasing his pace as he took a sharp turn. Hange knew he's getting more and more irritated. His face says it all. However, there’s a bugging notion about the huge possibility that he probably can’t express his feelings effectively. Man, that must be hard.

“I want to extend my apology, too.” She lowered her voice to match Levi’s as she said, “Don’t tell me what to do.”

As much as he hates to admit, Levi _did_ consider Hange’s suggestion about asking for an apology towards the brat whose emotion have been stirred up completely, all because of him. What’s wrong with what he said? Pointing out what the boy looked like wasn’t much of a big deal, anyway. He was actually telling the truth. Part of him wanted to leave him be and never show his face again, the other part wanted to apologize and immediately get over it and forget. Knowing himself, he wasn’t much of an excellently decisive person. In fact, he was always consumed with all kinds of imbalance within himself. He was full of doubt, yet he believes whatever decision he might end up with, he wouldn’t really know the outcome. Nobody ever does, so no matter how long and thorough he contemplates, he’s going to end up with any kind of trouble any way. If it’s not immediate, it will be sooner or later.

And the tapping was still there, so he couldn’t really trust himself right now. Not when he’s allowing _something_ to possess him.

They rounded a corner. Hange’s noisy and heavy footstep was distracting him. Had she be playing with the regular beatings in his mind, it would have been perfect.

_Tap tap tap tap tap_

It was the sound he’s already used to. He knows it’s harmful, it’s damaging his mind but he couldn’t help but rely on it especially when it serves as a condescending figure of hope and reliance. Like a broken promise that everything will be alright if he put his trust, and never again to become as destroyed as he already is, which is ironic because no matter what he does, he tends to break over and over again. Feeling all betrayed with the deceitful sound of defeat. Yes, it is the sound that signifies how helpless he actually is.

_Tap tap tap tap tap_

He wasn’t so sure if it even exists in reality. After that, his ears caught another sound, a long and screeching voice of abyss that tells him that his mind is fucking him up _again._

“…guy after all. I don’t think he bites, he’s just angry at certain things.”

Levi halted almost so suddenly, leaving Hange walking alone on her own still babbling about this Eren guy. He almost let out a sigh of relief, but he didn’t. He didn’t even know he was holding his breathe the whole time he wasn’t able to hear any of her words. But upon the unknown and irritating sound left his head, her voice brought him back to reality. He made a mental note to thank her later because he rarely ever gets saved from his consuming mind. Or rather, not.

“So, what do you think?”

Levi arched a brow, giving her his icy cold stares as she stopped on her tracks and faced him. The corridor looked long ahead of her, which was exhausting for him just by looking at it. He’ll make sure next time, he doesn’t bump into her again. It’s getting pretty hard to rely on that comforting deep ochre her eyes possessed. Plus her voice that keeps him drowning from his own fucked up mind was too much of a help, it was getting dangerous. Perhaps he’ll consider apologizing to Eren and never come back in this hellhole he was in.

“You don’t strike me as the sociable type but you can always tell me anything.”

Nobody ever tried telling him that. With that endless scowl he has, nobody ever made such offer and she’s already getting in his nerves. He swore to never let anyone affect him, but Hange's mere presence alone seems to defy all his resolve. He heard many a few times from his therapist that opening up to someone would at least ease the burden he’s carrying. And this is the first time somebody actually offers herself as an outlet to absorb any word from him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me end it here. I'll be really glad to hear your thoughts about it :)

**Author's Note:**

> SNK in a nutshell! I'm pretty sure some (if not, all) of the characters suffer some kind of mental issues with what they are dealing with in their doomed universe. And behaviors that we tend to overlook can sometimes be a huge deal in their everyday lives. So I wanted to delve deeper and develop their relationship in an au setting. So...


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